I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
