i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
there was a trapeze. enough said
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
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you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
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I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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