I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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