I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
