Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
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Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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