Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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