last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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