I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
