he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
