Acid is not a monday night drug
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
