I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
