no, he came in my armpit
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
