I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
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