Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
