Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
