I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
