Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
