Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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