Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
