i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
