i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
