when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
