we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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