my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
