i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
