BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
