I want to walk on stilts...naked
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
