Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
