Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
