OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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