i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
