Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
