He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize