birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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