You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
