i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
