Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
