When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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