I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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