oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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