yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
