she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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