I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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