did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
