rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
