He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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