I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
