The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
