why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
