I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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