dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
