I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I DEMAND FORESKIN
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
