I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
