make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
