This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
