his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
