The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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