when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
