I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
