Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
