hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
