You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
