I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
