Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
