Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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