dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
