Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
