there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
