she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
