I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
