all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
