Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
