That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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