Your tits are I can't wait for
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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